Saturday, October 27, 2007

Sell Myself.

There are a lot of things about God and about life that I do not understand right now. I am amazed at the immense amount of pain I have suffered in my life, and at the same time bitter about it. I love God with all my heart, but have struggled this week to feel like he cares anything about me. I know in my head that he cares. My heart is having a little harder of a time believing it. I feel like a salesperson. 'Hi! My name is Amber. This is who I am. Is it good enough for you?' Lately, it seems no one is interested in what I have to offer. I hate to admit it, but I am beginning to doubt myself. It is hard to be obedient to God and not see any fruit produced. I ask Him to speak. There just aren't any answers for me at this time. God is silent, and I am still waiting to hear from Him. I am ready for some life in this body, mind, and heart. Where is the joy? Where is the hope spoken of in Jeremiah 29:11? Where is the glory spoken of in Psalm 73? Where is the boldness of Esther that was spoken over my life? Where is the destiny that brought me to ORU found...not just the career, but the calling of God? When will God's glorious plan be revealed in me? I am gripping my faith right now. I know God will come through somehow, but when?

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