false start

Do you ever get ahead of yourself? More imporatantly, do you ever get ahead of God? I've been praying and thinking a lot lately about my life plans. Where am I now and where am I supposed to go? I know where I am now. I know what I am currently doing. However, I'm a planner. I'm always looking for my next step.

Today the words "false start" came to mind. The dictionary version of false start is "a failed attempt to begin something, and a situation in which a competitor in a race breaks a regulation governing the starting procedeure and the race has to be restarted." False starts are a common mistake in athletics. They cause a race or play to be restarted and a penalty usually results.

I think false starts are common in other areas of our lives too. We jump the gun, suffer a penalty, and have to start over. So, why then do we do it? In life, like playing sports, we get too excited too quickly. The adrenaline flows and we just can't help taking that step too soon. I believe that it is a lack of self control that causes us to move too early. In sports, the game ends and the false start doesn't count anymore. In life, in our emotions, and in our spirit it is harder to start again. Sometimes a false start isn't followed by a second chance. It is a lot to take in, but it is so true.

So, what do we do about it? Honestly, I think the only thing we can really do is wait on God. God had our lives planned before we were even born. He knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). HE is the author of our book! When we take matters into our own hands it shows that we don't trust God to lead us in the way we should go. It shows that we don't think he'll see us through like he promised. God's timing is perfect! He is trustworthy and faithful.

I have wasted so time taking matters into my own hands. I have seen the destruction that comes from it. God has really shown me, and still shows me that I am not all-knowing. I don't have all the answers. I trust him so much right now. It is a challenge sometimes, but I know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose"(Romans 8:28). God promises good things. Life is just a long process. It is a conglomeration of people and events. Life takes time. God definitely takes his time. There is no need for false starts.

peace. peace. love is all around.

Peace. Peace. Love is all around. When I was little my mom used to say these words to me. For some reason I've been thinking about them so much today. I find so much peace in knowing how much God loves me. It doesn't matter what I do or how much I fall. He is always here for me. I need not worry about anything because he already knows everything. I trust him with my whole heart. My eyes are on him. God is so good!

Today has been such a beautiful day. The weather is perfect. The sun is shining. My mind is at ease. I love every part of it. Peace. Peace. Love is all around.

thoughts the dark will plunder

I twist and I turn
I pace back and forth
These thoughts engulf me
Til I drown and go under
My lungs burn
This dreary course
It finds me
My thoughts, the dark will plunder.

I struggle with memories
Memories that blind my eyes
They churn in my gut
Like poison they lie to me
What a marvelous atrocity
My heart is tempted to die
I keep my eyes shut
For the grim reality I don't want to see.

A life without you
Seems hopeless and lonely
All I can do is pray for the best
Impatiently I wait
Someone other than you
I laugh, and I'm knowing
That you were the test
The fight, the pain to take.

Oh, Give me a reason
Just one for round two
A memory that strikes a chord
That rings in your ears
Prove separation a season
Fall, and winter too
Come back for more
Wipe from my eyes these tears.

be like children

Tonight I roamed the aisles of Borders. I frequent book stores. I like how they smell. I like how there are a million things to look at. I like reading the greeting cards, looking at the calendars, and finding a quiet corner where I can curl up to read poetry. Mostly though, I love to read the children's books. They are simplistically written yet unusually significant in context. For example, I read this book called It's Hard to be Five. The five year old boy in the book vocalized the frustrations that being five years old brings. He mentioned growing out of his clothes and starting school. I thought to myself, "It is amazing how when we're little we think our lives are so hard. Then, we grow up and miss the innocence and simplicity of childhood." How often do we stress out over life so much that we miss the beauty of it? We go through life so task-minded. We set goals, achieve them, and move on. It is so sad. Personally, I am guilty of letting life fly by at lightspeed. I so often look back on my week only to find that everything is a blur. I can't remember what I did, when I did it, or what I'm going to be doing in the next seven days. I miss the days where I only worried about little things that didn't really matter.

So, with that said, I have a challenge for you. Be more like children! Matthew 18:2-4 says, "He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." We all need to be more like children. We need to reclaim our innocence and walk in it!

the calm after the storm

The calm after the storm is where I am at right now. I'm standing in the musty air that followes the rain. The ground is wet and unstable. The clouds haven't cleared. The sky is still fixed on gray. It is here that I find hope. The sky isn't clear, but I feel relieved. The loudness of thunder and the fire of lightening is gone for now. There is only the quiet here. This is a good place. There is peace here in the silence. The rain must come in order for things to grow. Patience is necessary. I must wait out the storm to get to this quiet place - to know it and touch it. The calm is here. It may be unstable, but I am still thankful for it. Peace is here. God is here. Hope is here. Now, I can rest.

revelation for the peacemaker

"Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor." James 3:17-18 (Message Bible)

Wow. What a concept. We are supposed to get along with each other. You may be thinking that I am foolish to write about such a basic part of life. How often do we fight with other? In my personal experience it is so hard to get along. It is so hard to find peace in a world that hates so much.

I prayed with some friends tonight. We have been bickering all week long. We are all in a new college-life situation. We're still adjusting to having absolutely no privacy or alone time. Our space is limited. Our bodies are tired. We are frustrated. Through all of it we found a common ground. Tonight we ran to Jesus.

Jesus is our peace. He encourages us to live in peace with one another. We are called to love each other. Tonight as we prayed we allowed the peace of Jesus to fill us up. It is in the storm that God reveals his peace to us. In the storm of frustration and weakness peace showed up. I am currently consumed by it. I am in awe of who God is right now. He has given me a taste of his peace tonight. I encourage you to embrace peace this week.

Love one another and live in peace.

My Heart Breaks

My heart breaks for your heart.
The gut-wrenching pain that you feel I feel too.
The ache inside of you seems more than you can handle.
I'm restless knowing you are hurting.
My heart breaks for your heart.

My heart breaks when you cry.
The tears that cascade down your cheeks fill my eyes too.
The pain inside you is deep.
I'm here to help you.
My heart breaks when you cry.

My heart longs to love you.
The gap you try to fill only I can fill.
The holes are too big for you to seal.
I can fill you and seal you.
My heart longs to love you.

My heart I give to you.
The broken heart you have I now replace with mine.
The cross I bore to save you is enough.
You are brand new and whole.
My heart I give to you.

The past few weeks God has been breaking my heart for others. My heart is so soft right now. I have literally cried because I long to help the hurting and the lost. I went to chapel this past week and during the alter call the speaker called on those whose parents have either separated or divorced since they left for college. My heart broke for them. I have not personally experienced divorce. My parents have been together twenty-three years and are more in love now than ever. I was amazed at the number of students experiencing divorce right now. The tears in their eyes pierced my soul. All I could do was ask God to be their comfort and strength. God has also been softening me in the area of community outreach and missions. I am an Outreach Assistant for my dorm this year. I am really excited to see what God is going to do through my team and I in the community. He is growing the passion in my heart to help those in need. He is showing me that my ministry is local right now. I am going to be part of a group that makes a difference. We are starting with great expectations of God's power. We are believing for visions and direction. We are confident that He will provide all we need. As my heart for others is increasing I am finding that my selfishness is decreasing. God is doing something big in my heart. I will write more about it as he reveals more to me.

New Revelation

I took the name of this blog out of a song called Fly by Jason Upton. The gist of the song focuses on God's new revelation, new perspective, and freedom. I have experienced these words, and still continue to seek new revelation in my own life. I will expand on the concept of Revelation, and will write of the things that God reveals to me. I hope you'll follow my journey through the next few years.