Heroes

The idea of Heroes has been on my mind the past few days. I went to campus worship last night and we sang "Came to my Rescue" by United. Also, I, in my love for John and Staci Eldredge's books I have recently considered rereading "Captivating", in which women needing a hero is discussed. Finally, I was talking to a friend last night and she randomly read me a quote about heroes from "Flags of Our Fathers", by James Bradley. The book is about the battle at Iwo-Jima during WWII, and the six men that courageously raised the American flag. Here is the quote/passage from the book:

"Today the word "hero" has been diminished, confused with "celebrity." But in my father's generation the word meant something.

Celebrities seek fame. They take actions to get attention. Most often, the actions they take have no particular moral content. Heroes are heroes because they have risked something to help others. Their actions involve courage. Often, those heroes have been indifferent to the public's attention. But at least, the hero could understand the focus of the emotion. However he valued or devalued his own achievement, it did stand as an accomplishment (Bradley, p.396)."

In addition to the previously stated evidence that the topic of "heroes" has been on my brain, upon studying for a New Testament final I became engrossed in reading Hebrews through Revelation entirely last night. Nine glorious NT books. Hebrews kicking it off with a New Covenant and pioneers of faith, and Revelation ending with a bang! Lets just say i'm a little inspired right now (understatement). This concept of heroes is fueling me. Why? Glad you asked. I'll start with Hebrews.

Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, David, Samuel, the prophets and Jesus (the greatest of all) were all heroes. Every single one of them accomplished great things because they trusted in the promises of God. Here is the kicker though: Every one of them died before seeing a result, or the promise fulfilled (Hebrews 11:13).

Revelation. Satan is goin' down! This book is intense. It is ridiculous that in my 16 years of being a "Christian" I have never read through Revelation completely. I have only read bits and pieces because I have heard the ending so many times. Pathetic, I know. I never knew just how much of the detail I hadn't heard before. Anyway, Revelation is all about God rescuing his people through the second coming of Christ, and fighting evil until he, somewhat effortlessly, but extravagantly casts Satan and his angels in to the pit of hell forever. Why? to restore His kingdom with a New Heaven and New Earth. I’m so excited to see God throw down with Satan! God is our hero!

Rescuing is something we all need. From the time of our birth to the day we die we need a Savior. The point is this: Hallelujah! The saved have been rescued from hell by a hero, named Jesus. Jesus is not a celebrity. He, along with others in the Bible suffered for the rescuing of humanity. Again, Hallelujah!

This one gets me...

"Worlds Apart" - Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Flying Colors!

So, pretty much I'm AMAZING! Haha! As a nursing student I am required to take ATI placement tests to progress in the nursing program. Praise God for the 91.7% I made on my first ATI test! Look out junior year! Here I come!!!

Ugly

So, I just read over a blog post that I wrote back in March. I believe it was titled, "A Familiar Psalm." Anyway, when reading it over I laughed, and then almost cried. Why? Because I said this:

"I encourage you to ask God to investigate your life. When you do make sure you're prepared for the ugly. Be ready for him to do as you ask. See what is in there that he needs to break."

Upon writing that blog I prayed that God would investigate my life and show me the things that needed to change. I was apparently NOT ready for the ugly. Everything, seriously everything since that day seems to have surfaced. The ugly has been, and continues to come out in me. I can't tell all, but I will explain some of the things I have been going through.

Choices. I have made so many bad ones lately. When given the opportunity to lay down my flesh - to really seek what God would have me do, I have failed! MISERABLY! I have done things that do not reflect my true character. I have given over to my flesh with the mindset, "It doesn't matter because I've never done it before. So what if I act like the world for just a little while. So what if I give in to sin." Wow! Who the crap am I anymore?

Using people. For attention. For emotional backing. Even subconsciously (yes, it is possible). Wow! Again, who am I?

Selfish. This kind of goes along with using people. It is so easy to get caught up in what I want. I have to look out for myself right? If I don't, who will? Still, I can look out for myself-guard my heart without stepping on others in the process.

Ugly. I am reminded lately just how human I am. No matter how much good I do, I am human, and I sin...ALL THE TIME! I am NOT okay with inside ugliness. I am not okay with the way I have been living.

On the flip side:

Grace. Thank God for his unfailing, never-ending, overwhelming grace. I praise Him because he forgives me. I know that he loves me despite everything.

Discipline. I am being disciplined by God. Maybe not in the physical, but definitely in my spirit. I am daily convicted. With this discipline comes redemption. Thank God for redemption!

I am tired of being ugly.

fort-tastic

Outside View


Inside View


I love fort building!


Crazy girls!

Thats right! I STILL build forts.

Surviving vs. Thriving

I hate it when the gas light in my car comes on. It is so frustrating. It means that I have to reach into my tiny, college-student bank account and pull out a whopping $2 dollars and change per gallon to fill up. You know what though? When I am short on cash I let my car run on "E" for a while. I have discovered that I have about 30 miles before I need to be concerned. To this day I have never broken down. This is a dangerous way to go about things. I find that this habit of "running on empty" has poured over into other areas of my life.

There is a HUGE difference between living life and living life well. It is the difference between Surviving and Thriving.

Survive: to remain alive or in existence or able to live or function, especially succeed in staying alive when faced with a life-threatening, to come through a life-threatening experience or a period of difficulty and remain alive, in existence, or in a previous position or life (encarta.com).

I have decided that this word bothers me. Why? It bothers me because it is "just enough". To simply "remain alive" or "exisit" is pathetic. I regret to inform you that this is where I am at right now. I am surviving. I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am spiritually at the point where I am in the Word only enough to keep me going. I lack encouragement. I feel guilty because I desire to encourage others, but cannot give what I do not have! I lack confidence. I am on "E".

Thrive: grow well: to grow vigorously and healthily, do well: to be successful and often profitable

Thriving is my goal. To thrive is to go above and beyond "just enough". Thriving is excellence. It is being filled and able to fill others. It is SO hard to do. Why? Because thriving takes a lot of work, a lot of time, and a whole lot of God-seeking (which requires total surrender). I want to be more than ordinary. I desire to be different, set apart, held in high esteem. When I die I want people to remember me.

I had a volleyball coach in high school that drilled into my head this idea: "Good enough is the enemy of excellence." In the context of this blog, "Surviving is the enemy of Thriving". Running on empty just won't suffice. I need a full tank!

So, how do I obtain all I need to thrive? Honestly, I have only one answer at this time. All I know to do is to cry out to God with all my heart and ask him to send encouragement. I need to be filled. I need him to put in me the gasoline (whether encouragement from people or fulfilled promises) to drive his plans home.

God,
I am so tired of living empty. Fill me. Only you know what I need. You have my heart. Have your way in me. -Am

a familiar psalm...

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life (Psalm 139:23-24, The Message).

"Investigate my life." This is a bold request. I think a lot of Christians pray this, but how many actually mean it? This investigation could yield results that quite frankly do not line up with what we think we should be doing in life. It is like saying, "God, break me, but don't make it painful." It just doesn't work that way.

Psalm 139 encourages me so much because it reminds me that God knew everything about me before I was born. Every physical feature, emotion, weakness, career, family...the list just goes on and on. Also, it reminds me that God is bigger than my mind can comprehend. He investigates me. He has my case file on his desk. He knows my outcome. It is amazing to me that my life is not free-floating around where "just anyone" could dictate it. God knows. He created me.

I encourage you to ask God to investigate your life. When you do make sure you're prepared for the ugly. Be ready for him to do as you ask. See what is in there that he needs to break. I'm going through it.

I have had so much on my mind lately. God is teaching me a lot about myself. I'll have more soon. Leave comments if you'd like. I love feedback.

Twitterpated.

Spring is drawing near and I admit that I am twitterpated! I am loving this moment in time.

Thanks Bambi for the perfect adjective for today!

Serving.

There is a Zig Ziglar quote that has been on my mind lately. It goes a little something like this...

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want”

Wow. Serving is such a huge deal! I was listening to John Maxwell speak yeaterday and he talked a lot about different encouragers in the Bible, and what they would say if they could run one lap of life with you. He talked about Rebecca, and how she not only provided water for one of Abraham's servants, but also for his ten camels. That is a lot of water! Anyway, the point was that serving others "generously" should be our goal. I like how this quote matches up with what John Maxwell was saying.

So many times in life I think about me first. I am learning more and more that this world has nothing to do with me. I am only here to worship my Creator, share his name, and serve others. Service is the very essence of Jesus. He never did anything for himself. He always looked out for people. I desire to be this way. I desire to go out of my way, uncomfortable as it may be, for others. If I help others get what they want out of life (keeping in mind that it lines up ethically) I will be blessed in return.

Just something to think about. Go out of your way for someone today. Open a door. Smile at them. Encourage them. That's all.

my humps

10 random things...

It is Friday afternoon. I am done with school today and it is pretty amazing I survived this week! Ahhh!!! Crazy Nursing School times (which I am totally in LOVE with!!!). Anyway, here are some random things on my mind...

1. I'm probably a little behind the rest of the world, but I have discovered a new delight in the musical soundings of John Legend. So much so that I got the two cd's he has put out. This man is awesome! "Ordinary People" and "Stay with You" are my two favs so far. Go have a listen.

2. I am ADDICTED to high heels! I am short...they help. Ha ha! That is not the only reason why. I like to dress well. I always feel a bit prettier with my pointy-toe, sleek, up-to-the-knee, black boots, or my pink sued pumps on! I probably wear heels 5 days out of the week. Praise God for sexy little heels!

3. I am wearing a green sweater right now and my eyes match. LOVE IT!

4. I am a dork. I have discovered that I laugh at my own jokes more than other people do. Oh, well.

5. I don't think Tyra Banks is fat...as a recent magazine has accused her of gaining 40lbs. Go Tyra! You look AMAZING!

6. Studying at Nordaggio's Coffee with a chai in hand makes me love the college life even more!!!

7. Grey's Anatomy IS a good show! This season has been an emotional one. Thanks ABC.

8. Conversation hearts are the highlight of Valentines Day...when you don't have a Valentine. I love those sugary little delights. I think "Fax Me" is my fav. Ha.

9. I love the song "Photographs and Memories" by Jason Reeves. It is bittersweet for me. It reminds me of loving and missing and goodbyes.

10. Leave a comment for me. I like it. You'll be the highlight of my day if you do so. ; )

...thats all for now.

A Love that Lasts.

I long for love that lasts. Such love has many faces. Some of which I have seen in my own life lately. I would like to give you a glimpse of what I am talking about.

I love elderly people. There is so much about them that fascinates me. For example, their life stories surpass any story I could tell at this point in my life. They have seen the world go through drastic changes. They have experienced the trends, styles, technology, and music evolve. However, the thing that stands out most, in my mind, is their love. Now, I know this is a very general statement, and I am aware of the assumptions I am making, but it seems to me that people of very old age have seen a different side of "true love" than anyone in my generation has. Believe it or not, sex is not the priority of most elderly couples right now. Companionship is. Being alive is. It is often the case among the elderly that when one person dies the other partner doesn't live much longer. They simply CANNOT live without one another.

Another face of love: missions. There are so many hurting people in this world. Feeding them is love. Praying for them is love. Getting outside the "America is the greatest" box is a form of love for those who are not able to live the "American dream". The Bible says in Matthew 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends." Jesus died for ALL sin, for ALL people. True love is scarce in this world.

God is love. I think this is the big one for me right now. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ. There is no greater sacrifice of love than God sending Jesus to save us from eternity in hell. Loving God is, in my mind the MOST important, and most meaningful love.

I feel like my generation has made the word "love" just another word. It is said too much in a romantic context, and not enough to the people at the end of their rope. We say, "I love movies. I love chocolate. I love things that are blue. I love you - so have sex with me." We have degraded the word to movies, food, preferences, and sex. What is REAL LOVE? What does it look like? Smell like? Does it FEEL or DECIDE or both? Do we mean it? So many questions.

The point is this: As Seven Day Jesus sang, "Everybody needs love." We need REAL love. Make your love mean something.

Insignificant.

Routine. Mundane. Insignificant. This is how I feel right now. I feel as though all originality has escaped me. Like I do the same thing every day. I am confined to a schedule with no room to be carefree.

It is past my delightful Christian college curfew, and I am going crazy inside. I need to go roll around in the snow or something. Do a craft project. Build something so I feel useful. Is it just me or do other people feel like this too?

What is it that makes life feel like it is in a box? Is my life really in a box? Is there room for significance and change? I suppose so, but right now the next two and a half years of my life are planned. There is no light at the end because the end is miles away. Why do I feel like stability is what I need, and at the same time wish I could drop everything and discover the world - a life without walls - a life free to change with the wind? There seems to be a protocol for success. Go to college. Make something of yourself. Make money. Then, Shabam! You are a success.

Despite my cynicism I really do enjoy college. I just get sick of the routine sometimes. I am tired of feeling insignificant. I hate waiting for big things to happen. I know God is still working on me, and I just need to hang on.

That is all for now.

lead me as i go.

overflow - chris tomlin

here i bring my stains and crown
gentle river wash me now
Your love is deeper than i know
Your waves higher than i can go
lead me in Your holiness
i will follow, i confess
glory is the song i sing
Your life is living me

where would i be, without You, without You
where would i be without You

i will bow before the cross
cherish my redeemer's cost
there is nothing i can do
than only stand amazed by You
immersing You with everyday
wrapped up in Your arms of grace
nothing more, You're all i need
Your life is living me

like a waterfall, You fill my heart and overflow
like a candle flame, You light my way and lead me as i go

where would i be, without You, without You
spirit overflow, let me overflow


It is so hard to let God lead. I was talking to a very close friend about God's will for my life. I am in God's will right now. I am following my call and purpose. I am certain of it. But something struck me while listening to this song (above). The words "lead me as i go" pierced my heart. "Lead me AS I GO"! Not "Tell me everything in the plan so I can take my life into my own hands, avoid all trouble, and cut out the parts that are less desirable."

During worship yesterday I was completly overcome by the Holy Sprit and by God's love. I fell to my knees and cried. Since the beginning of this semester (about 3 weeks ago) I have been so busy with schoolwork. I am actually studying this semester...and doing really well in my classes. But, you know what? These weeks have been a blur. I feel like I have done pretty much the same thing every night - study. My life right now is very routine. There is so much good in it though. I am learning a lot about relying on God for strength and supernatual encouragement. He has blessed me more than I could have imagined. The concept of letting God lead me as I am running this race of life is profound. He only gives me one step at a time. As I am in his will, and as I trust him he is revealing more and more to me about myself. He is showing me that my relationships are important. My education is important. My family is so supportive. Again, I AM BLESSED!

I have been reading through some passages in Isaiah the past few days. Here are a few verses.

At that time, this song will be sung in the country of Judah: We have a strong city, Salvation City, built and fortified with salvation.Throw wide the gates so good and true people can enter. People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, Steady on their feet,because they keep at it and don't quit. Depend on God and keep at it because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. Those who lived high and mighty he knocked off their high horse. He used the city built on the hill as fill for the marshes. All the exploited and outcast peoples build their lives on the reclaimed land. The path of right-living people is level. The Leveler evens the road for the right-living. We're in no hurry, God. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions.Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want. Through the night my soul longs for you. Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you. (Isaiah 26:1-9, Message)

I am keeping at it. My feet are firm. My heart is content in letting God lead me as I go.

love, kisses, and smiles

Love...I desire it. Kisses, hmmm...I like. Smiles...I am a sucker for. A combination of the three...Perfect. I have none of these at the moment, but I'm okay with that. Thinking about them makes me happy. That's all for now.

heart, smooch, smile,
am

Undignified

This is awesome!

seeing it this way

I learned a lesson this morning. I saw a crappy situation in a different light. Here is how is all went down.

I am a nursing student. Today is the third day of school. My schedule is very different this semester. In general, I am still pretty new to campus. Anyway, today I was late for my 7:50am Microbiology class. The professor is a tough one. He hates lateness and frowns upon it. He told this to the class on the first day. He also told us that we can't take our daily, 10-point quiz if we are late. Now, in my mind, this is no big deal. I am very rarely late to anything. I am an on-time person 99.9% of the time. Not this morning.

My alarm went off. I got up. I got ready. I left 15 minutes early. I was on-time!!! However, I lost my brain on the way to class, and forgot what room the class was in. I would have known if I hadn't have left my schedule in my dorm. So, I went to the wrong floor. Honest mistake.

I got to class 5 minutes late, got a look of disgust from my professor, and was refused my very first quiz! What a way to start a semester. Crap!

There is a two-fold, deeper point to this blog. The first is that sometimes no matter how hard we try to be on top of things, sometimes circumstances just don't allow it. We may have good intentions, but crap happens! I am a good student because I work hard. I leave early to be on time. Today, a mistake got in the way.

My second point deals with how we should handle situations where circumstances decide our fate. What do we do when something unexpected, or unintentional happens? Do we get mad and curse about it? Do we take it out on others? Do we let it ruin our day? No. We should try to approach it from a different angle.

In my case, I was irritated for a few minutes, but chose to see it this way. "Today was an accident. It was not my professor's fault. It was unintentionally my fault. So, I will just be more careful next time."

The older I get the more I realize that this world is not about me. It doesn't matter how much I try to be in control. I am not. I have said it before. I hate it when plans fall through. I hate it when things don't go the way I want or plan them to. When something happens that we don't expect, or want to avoid, it hurts us. We suffer. We lose. We get irritated. It is hard to overcome it and move on.

I encourage you to look at hard things in a different light. I'm not just suggesting you make everything crappy in your life look "nice" or to hide it in any way. I am just asking you to avoid letting crap ruin your day. This life is not about happiness. Happiness doesn't last. Looking at things from the perspective that God is in control, and He really does have your best interest in mind will help you have joy. Joy is a gift, and only comes from God himself. Think about it.

I shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace. The mountains and the hills shall break forth before me into singing, and the trees of the field shall clap their hands. (Isaiah 55:12, NIV)

don't love your broken pieces...

Don't love your broken pieces.
Don't hang on to every one.
For love may be what's broken,
But old pieces must be gone.

If you give in you will give up.
If you reverse, turn back, or run.
You'll wind up like your pieces, broken
Your love, whole, nevermore.

Don't love that shattered memory.
Don't waste away like time.
For memories wither too, you see,
Let good ones change your mind.

If you look ahead you'll move ahead.
Not left or right, but up
You'll wind up something you always dreamed of
In love, whole, forevermore.

I don't know if you are like me, but I love my broken pieces way too much! When something hurts me, or my day goes wrong, I pull out my broken pieces and chew on them for a while. I remember all the things that make me unhappy. I talk about them with others as if they are still part of my life. Oh, those pieces will getcha! They sting. They numb. They make every part of you ache. But, you know what? We cannot love our pieces. We cannot sit in limbo forever and expect a good result.

I cannot tell you enough how much I take one step forward and two steps back. My pieces make me do that. Just a few thoughts on this late night.

redirection

Tonight I talked to my dad for quite a while. My dad and I are really close. All my life I have acted and reacted just like him. We are both incredibly analytical, focused, intolerant of immaturity, worriers, and stressed out about 90% of the time. We laughed about it because my mom and brother are so carefree, and we aren't. Anyway, my dad said something to me tonight. He said, "Amber, you are way too hard on yourself. You are analytical, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. You just need to redirect it." Typically, I was quick to "analyze" this. My thoughts being, "How do I do this?" and "What do I need to change about myself?"

Zig Ziglar said this, "You are what you are and you are where you are because of what has gone into your mind. You change what you are and you change where you are by changing what goes into your mind."

My mind is a busy place. I have a love/hate relationship with it. When I dwell on past events that have shaped where I am now instead of focusing on the "now" I see defeat instead of success. I see failed relationships, friendships, and plans that have fallen through instead of a girl-turned-woman, a nursing degree within reach, and a lifetime of God's glory just waiting to be unveiled. I am not saying that it isn't okay to mourn what has been lost, or that getting emotional is wrong. Emotions are reminders that we are "real". God created us with them. However, I agree with Zig Ziglar's statement. We have to make up our minds every day that we are going to endure. If there is will and motivation to press on, then pressing on and succeeding are most likely to result. The days I feel the worst are the days I sit around dwelling on broken pieces of my heart. I do not believe my heart is whole right now, but I do have the will and the motivation to move forward in life. I also have a God that is in the process of healing me. I refuse to stay in a state of mourning.

So, this is my attempt to redirect my analytical mind.

Wake Me...I'm Dead.

"Look at me-I'm Shattered." - The Rolling Stones

There are so many words, and not enough all at the same time to describe the condition of my heart right now. It is amazing the depth of the human heart. Even more amazing - the heart of God for the human heart. I am struggling so much right now to understand the love God says he has for me. This seems like basic "Christian" knowledge. You know, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son...John 3:16). However, being a Christian has become more of an idea than a relationship to so many people. How can the idea of God produce the love of the Father, God? It can't. Anyway, this has been a problem for me lately. To simply know (because I am told by people and the Bible) that God loves me and wants to restore my heart to wholeness is not enough. I must experience it. This is another problem. I have access to God through the Holy Spirit, and I ask for wholeness and healing. It just hasn't happened yet...for a long time. I am at the point of cynicism. This is not good! I pray, talk to God for a while, and ask him to make himself known - to give me something that will heal the deep wounds of my heart. After doing so my immediate thought is usually, "Yeah right. Don't hold your breath." I hate this.

I am reading an amazing book right now called Waking the Dead - The Gory of a Heart Fully Alive, by John Eldredge. This is a big deal. First of all, I am not a big read-for-fun kinda girl. I like to write, but reading bores me most of the time. Not this time. I have had the book for three days and I'm almost done. Anyway, the focus of the book is the restoration of a broken, divided heart. I have cried several times while reading it because so much of it reflects me right now. Eldredge talks about the spiritual war going on for the heart. Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy my glory. God wants to defeat him and unveil my glory. God wants to show me that my heart is good. He did not make it evil or worthless. He did not create me to shrink back to nothingness. That is not who God is.

The cuts in my heart are deep. So deep that repair and wholeness seem impossible. I have been an explosion-waiting-to-happen lately. The smallest things set me off. Instead of rejoicing in other's triumphs, I cry out of jealousy and inadequacy. "You will never be anything to anyone" is what runs through my head. Lies! Lies from Satan! I know. But I have lost control of my heart and my emotions. I can't stop the tears when they start. I can't keep from anger and depression. This is where God is. WHAT? That's right. God is here at the point of me losing control. He has control. I believe that he can, and will restore this painful brokenness in my heart. He is surfacing things right now because I have to look them in the face, take his hand, and walk through them. He is refusing to let me run away this time. I always run. I hide behind a smile so often because I want to control my pain. I think that if I stuff it down deep enough I will forget it is there. It is time to get to the root of all this.

God, what is it you need to heal? Find it in me and dissolve it. I give you permission to pull out every hurt. Bind the pieces of my heart together. Give life to this dead body. I need you to heal me. I need restoration. I need hope. Forgive me for handling this brokenness with false comforters. Nothing and no one can fix my heart. Only you can. Let me hear your words of comfort. Surround me with your presence, and let me know you're working in me. Unveil my beauty, and the glory you have for me.

John Eldredge quotes Saint Irenaeus, "The glory of God is man fully alive." Without a heart fully alive -whole, the glory of God in us cannot be revealed.

Let the healing begin.